Early this morning I found myself sitting on the edge of Iris’ bed. She was sleeping peacefully .. probably dreaming about our recent trip to Disneyland and Palos Verdes. As I stared at her, my thoughts cycled through a mental scrapbook of the past year.

One year ago today, Iris underwent open heart surgery and tracheal reconstruction. Every minute of that day is as vivid as if it were happening again in real-time. I remember kissing Solana goodbye as we left for the hospital, and she excitedly prepared to head to camp with our nanny. I can see the faces of the people on the tram that morning as they headed up the hill to work. They looked tired, and curious about the little girl joining them that morning. I can feel the tram gently swaying back and forth .. I actually paced my breathing to that rhythm. I can hear the voices of Dr. Langley and Dr. Rutter. Who would’ve thought that a doctor from England (Langley), and a doctor from New Zealand (Rutter) would be operating on a little girl from China .. in Portland. They calmly, and confidently, answered my last-minute questions. Between the range of emotions, that I had little control over, and my garbled speech, I’m surprised they understood a word that I said. But they did, and they continued to reassure me.

I remember Iris’ face. So innocent and unaffected by what was happening around her. I felt guilty. Guilty that I was unable to explain to her what was about to happen. Guilty that her pure, sweet, little body was about to undergo a dramatic incision, and that the next several days, weeks, and months would present challenges no four-year-old should experience.

But along with that guilt, was the awareness of Iris’ brave spirit. Every step of the way throughout this journey, she has shown me, and everyone around her, what it means to be brave in the face of the unknown. June 28, 2013 was no different. And each day since .. Iris has continued to demonstrate how to live a brave life.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

I left Iris’ room this morning, and went to meditate. It’s a practice I’ve done for many years as a way to center myself as I begin my day .. and as I’ve done for the past year, I finished my meditation with these two words:

Be brave.

Here’s Iris last week at Disneyland: (with our motto on her shirt)

.. and the three of us in Palos Verdes:

Have a wonderful summer!

Love and Hugs,
The Hickey Girls