It’s hard to believe that 4 weeks ago I was sitting with Iris in ICU as she was waking from surgery.

The day began with a tram ride up to Doernbecher at 5:30am. There were only 4 other people on the tram with us that morning and they all worked at Doernbecher/OHSU. They looked adoringly at Iris, with no clue that this little girl was on her way up the hill to have open heart surgery.

We checked in at the lobby, received our bracelets and proceeded up to the surgery waiting area. It was empty and quiet. So quiet. Iris was called back to the surgery prep area within minutes and that began a procession of nurses and doctors stopping by to get her ready. Dr. Langley and Dr. Rutter stopped by to say hello and address last minute questions. And then Dr. Kelly Ryan came by. Kelly is an anesthesiologist and she comes highly recommended. She explained that her primary job is to ensure that Iris is comfortable and safe throughout surgery. Kelly discussed the medications she’d be using and gave me a good overview of how they impact the body. She then asked if I had any questions or concerns. I responded, “just keep her comfortable and safe.” That’s all I wanted.

When your child is taken back to surgery at Doernbecher, you are allowed to walk with them to the “orange line.” Kelly walked with us. I remember approaching that line and feeling my knees buckle beneath me. It is a moment, as a parent, of complete vulnerability. Handing your child, and your trust, over to another person. I gave Iris a hug and told her that I love her. I then glanced up at Kelly and, without saying a word, she looked into my eyes and ever so slightly nodded her head. A gesture that was, at once, both subtle and powerful. All I could see was compassion and confidence. Kelly knew exactly what I was feeling, and the look in her eyes provided me with more comfort than any words could.

I turned to walk away. The walk back seemed like a mile. Tears streaming down my cheeks. Legs failing me. It was the complete loss of control over my emotions. I walked into the waiting room sobbing loudly. My sister and niece immediately embraced me and we started walking down the hall so I could catch my breath.

When I finally did, I pictured Kelly Ryan’s face. And I knew … Iris would be comfortable. And safe.

I’m thankful every day for Iris’ amazing team: Dr. Stephen Langley, Dr. Micheal Rutter, Dr. Henry Milczuk, Dr. Laurie Armsby, and Dr. Kelly Ryan.

Iris continues to improve. She saw Dr. Armsby this week and received another good report. Her chest x-ray looks great. Her ultrasound is scheduled for the end of August and her next procedure, to potentially put a stent in her pulmonary artery, will be in a few months.

Until then .. we’re enjoying the sunshine, and counting our blessings at every opportunity.

This is Iris today .. showing me her “heart”: